Bálla Ball Powder for Men: Yes, Scented Talc for the Testicles

Just when you think you've seen it all, you stumble upon a product which restores your faith in the world's ability to surprise and amuse you. Bálla Powder for Men is such a product. Bálla is ball powder. Talc for testicles. Sad-sack sachet. Or as the folks at Bálla call it, the "ultimate men's anti-wetness solution."

I didn't even know there was a problem let alone a solution. I mean, I know men sweat in the nether region, but it never occurred to me that it was a problem. Because, I mean, it's never been a problem for me. Or the men I've known.

But the fine folks at Bálla argue that it is indeed a problem, right here on their web site. And if you fork over fifteen dollars they'll solve it for you with one of three powders: the original, scented with oak (oakmoss?) and musk; a minty and tingly powder; or an unscented one.

I can only imagine how having minty-fresh, tingly balls must feel, so please, please, someone I know please try that one and let me know!

I think the silliest part of the Bálla sales pitch may be where they tell guys how to apply the ball powder. Come on, do we really think men are this dumb?

Just in case, a proud Bálla customer, John, offers even more helpful (and graphic) advice on how to apply ball powder in his positive review on the menessentials.com site (10th review down).

It's the whole notion of ball powder that makes me laugh, not just the accent on the word Bálla. The product itself might be fine, and customer reviews seem to support that, but I still think it is a waste of a guy's money.

But since I'm not a guy (though some might say I have a pair), I wanted to know what real men thought. Because, you know, maybe I'm being insensitive to a very deep, very real need men have and don't know it.

So I asked two members of my Man Panel to weigh in on Bálla Powder. Here's what they had to say:

JKJ:

"Maybe I just haven’t known the right guys, but, in 52 years – and almost a decade spent daily in the gym and dating and hanging out with lots of gay guys who fussed over themselves and talked about literally everything imaginable – I’ve never heard any discussion of a need for much use of baby powder in the shorts."

WJB:

"I don't experience whatever problem they seem to be addressing with this product. Anybody heard of baby powder? In my mind this is an "exploit insecurities" type of product. The thing is I don't know how many people harbor this stupid notion. I suspect not too many."

JKJ, honey, I know you knew the right guys, so I totally trust your take on this. And I agree with you, WJB, that this is the sort of product that can prey on men's insecurities, like all those feminine hygiene products that want us to believe we smell funny and need to fix it. When I saw that a woman was listed as a co-owner of Bálla, I even wondered briefly if she were somehow trying to even out the playing field - tit for testes or something like that.

My two cents? If you're healthy and you wash regularly and practice good bathroom hygiene (remember, it's front to back, like Oprah taught you) you don't need ball or vagina powder. You just need to relax. Everybody sweats. And sometimes we smell.

And sometimes that natural body odor is incredibly good. As much as I enjoy a nice cologne on a man, there are few things sexier than the smell of his clean sweat. That smell has made me do silly things like hug the pillows men have slept on and sniff the shirts they wore. And I know I'm not the only one.

But if you absolutely, positively believe you do need to control wetness and odor down yonder, let me offer an alternative that will save you some coin - Burt's Bees Baby Bee Dusting Powder. It's only $6 for 4.5 ounces (a savings of nine bucks), and it smells great (it doesn't smell like the baby powder you know from childhood). It's talc-free and has clay and cornstarch to help keep you dry. Here's the product description.

Comments

[chayaruchama]

Dear Lord, my girl...
You've FORCED me to cheat on BitterGrace, I feel SO cheap...and Helg, too.

I've just posted the banns, baby.
We're to be WED, pronto.

I am also in possession of a fabulous set of cojones, thinly veiled with the overflowing mothermilk of humankindness.
But everyone has his / her limits and boundaries- and after 54 years, I'm just beginning to claim mine-

I awakened to a pile of cosmic crap the size of Chicago, and THEN , I turned here-
AHHHHH.
Sweet relief !
My testicles no longer ail me !
What could be better, I beg you ?

BLESS YOU !
And, Viva La Ball Powder[ I think !] !

[tmp00]

Oh thank god! I hate having to dust my netherlands with powder designed for children!

[scent signals]

dear chaya - so happy to have lifted your spirits and your cojones! i think "big love" has taught us that we can share, so please don't feel bad about helg and bittergrace. i'm glad to hear you are claiming your ball-power; it's important to do. i know you are doing it with grace.

tmp00 - it is well-presented, and i can see the appeal from the standpoint of how it looks on the shelf - especially to the curious, prying overnight guest. so i give it points for packaging and marketing. still not convinced it's necessary, but to thine own balls be true. of course, you could always put the burt's bees (which smells good and not like baby powder) in a vintage shaker and no one would ever know.

p.s., if you try the tingly-minty one, please let me know how it feels!

[Le critique de parfum]

So gross and stupid!

And of course I want to try this ASAP.

[scent signals]

cher m le c - i have the sneaking suspicion you are not the only one!

[Brad]

You are soooo wrong to suggest that washing regularly and practicing good hygiene would negate the need for this. Chafe is the problem cause by sweat and these products are great for that allowing us to walk around comfortably without taking giant strides to avoid the discomfort.

[So fresh]

I totally disagree with the scent signal post and I don't want to seem rude, but the two guys on the "Man Panel" are either oblivious to their own issues that happen with their manhood or they were too embarrassed to tell the truth. Try asking someone a little younger and more active. I have a news flash for you. Sacks are just like arm pits! Walk around on a hot summer day and they will stink! Why do you think jock itch ointments and sprays exist? It's because bacteria and fungus grow in a dark, warm, and MOIST environment. You can't show me a place on the human body that has all those three characterics and won't smell to some degree after a few hours. Some people will sweat and smell worse than others. I take two showers a day and my "boys" will start to "clam up" mid-day, so I have to use baby powder to stay fresh and prevent chafing. Sorry for the long post, but I had to put the truth out there.